How does one handle rejection? With tears and a session of self-wallowing alone in the car? With a fit of rage where nearby inanimate objects may be in danger of breakage? Or with a plastered-on fake smile meant to hide the pain and mortification? Yes. All of them. Or at least that’s my experience. Okay, so I haven’t broken anything recently, but mainly because I am responsible for all purchases of inanimate objects, so breaking them loses any momentary sense of satisfaction.
More often than not, I go the fake smile route; at a craft show or book fair, I can’t break down and cry if no one is coming to my table (well, I could, but I’m sure it would be problematic for my reputation and small social media following). And if people are hesitant to approach a smiling vendor, they’re definitely not going to approach a hysterically bawling one. So I sit there and smile, hoping no one notices the light leaving my eyes. Because if I don't stay positive, then it's only going to spiral from there. But it’s tough staying positive when you feel like an invisible failure.
My husband has been on me about visualization lately. After a day of lousy book sales, he’ll tell me that I need to envision what I want, create the feeling of what if feels like to be successful, and not give into my more primitive emotions of pity and despair. This "pep-talk" is often followed by my own sharp, sometimes, screechy retorts that "I AM POSITIVE but I can’t control whether an event is well-attended and I really don't need your help in making myself feel bad!" or something like that. I get it, he’s trying to help me. He’s task-orienetd and is able to separate emotions from action. But I’m not. I’m super emotional. And sometimes it just sucks to get ignored and feel like all of this has been for nothing. So I usually run off to isolate myself, stew in my self-hatred, then emerge with my tail between my legs and an apology on my lips. Because he’s also right. If I let myself feel what it might be like to sell lots of books, to be successful, then maybe people will be attracted to me. Heck, maybe more sales will be attracted to me. If it worked for Jim Carrey, it can work for me, right?
It's tough putting yourself out there, especially when you have so much of yourself wrapped up in your product. If you are a hopeful author, entrepreneur, vendor, just keep going and try your best to stay positive. And keep smiling. And if you are someone passing by one of us fake-smiling our way through an event, take pity on us. Don't feel obligated to buy, but a smile of solidarity is greatly appreciated. (Or do totally take pity on us and buy. Yeah, do that. That'd be great, too).
So while I write this during a not-so-stellar appearance where people are continually smiling politely my way before moving right on past me, I will continue to smile through the rejection and hope that my upturned lips will somehow signal to the heavens that I am ready for success and that I am open to happiness.
But I might still cry in my car, too.
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