Failure and Rationalizing

 I've been feeling bad about myself lately. When I am seemingly "failing" at one of my goals, I internalize all that failure and guilt and react in one of two ways: mope around and whine about not being productive, or overcorrect and stress myself out by trying to accomplish ALL the things. 

And, no matter what direction I take, I ALWAYS complain to my husband about my inadequacies. Because he's used to these rants, he usually stays quiet, so I carry on the other side of the conversation, as well, rationalizing why I haven't been productive. 

*I'm in the middle of my busy time at work, with speech competitions every week

*The kids have a lot going on

*I have so many chores to catch up on

*Laundry, laundry, laundry!

*I'm just not in the headspace to write

*I'm just not in the headspace to market

*I'm just not in the headspace to grade, or lesson plan, or send emails...

Okay, okay, some of the excuses are pretty lame, but there is something to be said about having to balance work, home life, and passionate pursuits. It's tough! I already feel like I never have enough time, and I've now chosen to fill up my time even more with writing, book events, marketing. Am I just insane?

Yes. Yes, I am. 

But that's beside the point, and not the focus of this post. The focus of this post is my penchant for making excuses. 

But do I need to even bother making excuses? So what if I have an off-week? Does that make me a complete failure? Reading a book instead of writing could be seen as research. And choosing to play board games with my children makes me a good mom. Like, a really good mom. And watching television can be good for my mental health...unless it's reality TV. 

Okay, I'm rationalizing again. Instead, I just need to be unapologetic about my choices, realize I can always work towards my goals tomorrow, and trust myself to listen to what my mind, body, and family need. 

AND by writing this blog, I'm chiseling away at my goals. See, I can work through my mental demons and be productive at the same time! (Okay, I'm rationalizing...again.) 

Well, hopefully this self-berating/pep talk sticks for at least a week and I can forgive myself enough to accomplish...or not accomplish something this week. Crap. I'm back to it. Guess I'm a work-in-progress. But for right now, there's a load of laundry that needs my attention.