Taking Time Together

Many of my writings include female characters that get lost in their roles as partners, mothers, and workers. It probably comes as no surprise that I am often inspired by my real life. As a mom, teacher, wife, and writer, I sometimes lose sense of who I am without all those titles. Or I try to be the best at each of them and end up feeling anxious, guilty, or disappointed in myself. In order to keep some semblance of sanity, the roles sometimes exist in flux, with certain ones rising to the top and others falling to the bottom. 

Unfortunately, one role that tends to often fall to the bottom of the priority list is that as a wife. Not that I’m a bad partner: my husband and I work together to keep the house up, prepare meals, run errands, and spend time with the kids. But we don’t get as much time to just be together, to just enjoy one another’s company. We fall victim to the routine and the deadlines. After fourteen years of marriage and two kids, some might say it's normal, but I know we aren't at our best when we start to lose connection. 

That’s why it is so important as a couple, especially a couple with children, to prioritize time together. It’d been three years since my husband and I spent a kid-free weekend together until this weekend. For my birthday, my husband arranged for us to drop my kids off with my mom for the weekend, drive back home, and spend the weekend together. We went out for karaoke with friends (I do a mean rendition of “Don’t Stop Believing”), went to the musical Hadestown (I still can’t get “Wait For Me” out of my head), and watched whatever we wanted on Netflix (North of North is a fun binge). Sure, we also had to take care of the regular weekend errands such as grocery shopping and laundry, but it was nice to spend it with him, making a date of it rather than dividing up the duties and going our separate ways. To remember this was the person I chose to do life with and to create life with. This weekend was a necessary reminder.

Those other roles in life don't disappear, but it's okay for them to take a backseat once in awhile. And even though I am prone to guilt (as I've discussed in previous posts), it doesn’t make me a bad mother to want some time alone with my husband. It doesn’t make me a bad teacher to avoid all schoolwork for a weekend. And it doesn’t make me a bad writer to abstain from marketing and writing this weekend (okay, I did still post and work on my edit … so maybe that doesn't count). It’s healthy to take the time to reconnect whether it be with yourself, a partner, family, or friends. It’s probably what we need to keep going, keep thriving, and keep loving ourselves and others. If we take the time for ourselves, we can see who we are individually more easily in the various roles we hold, and appreciate all more authentically.

I’m feeling more connected and free this Sunday evening, and even though I am still looking ahead and worrying about what I need to do this upcoming week, I can go into the routine knowing who I am and what I’ve chosen in life. And I can say this: I’ve chosen well.