It's About Time

 Time. It's what's on my mind right now. As 2024 ends and 2025 begins, it's difficult not to ponder the concept of time: about how fast it is going, about what I didn't have time for, about what I am going to spend my time on in the near future. In fact, I probably spend more time thinking about the use of my time than actually enjoying the moments of time. Ironic, huh? (Cue Alanis Morissette circa 1995). One of my biggest struggles in life has always been the acceptance of the reality of time. I stress about how much time I have to complete a task, whether or not I will get the task completed (spoiler alert: I always do), if I've used my time productively, if I've spent enough time with something or someone...it goes on and on. Apparently, I have a bit of an obsessive spiral-thing going. 

So what better use of my time while at the end of my winter break and at the beginning of a new year than to set feasible goals for how I want to use my time this upcoming year? If anything, maybe the writing of these goals will help settle the spiral of random thoughts, complaints, worries, and dreams. (And if not, at least I made my goal of a weekly blog post). 

How I would like to spend my time in 2025:

*I want to spend time with those that value me and my time and that authentically want to spend time with me. 

*I want to spend quality time with my friends and family and try my best not to waste that time thinking about what I should be doing or could be doing. 

*I want to eradicate the phrase "wasting my time" from my vocabulary. If I'm using time on something, it's probably what I need to be doing in that moment, for whatever reason, and I should trust that. 

*I want to trust myself more in my own use of time and decision-making. I've been surviving and mostly thriving for nearly forty years. I think I've proven my own dependability enough by now. Now to convince myself of this fact and relax rather than succumb to my spiral of anxiety and self-doubt. 

*I want to treat myself to the time I deserve. Self-care is not always high on a mother's/teacher's/wife's list of priorities, but it is imperative. I'm starting to see that now, and I think it's time I start taking it seriously. A one-hour massage might be an hour away from family, but it also might mean many other hours of sanity. (This is what I will probably be telling myself during my one-hour massage rather than just enjoying the one-hour respite. Huh...I need to work on that, as well). 

*I want to enjoy the time I devote to my creative passions and pursuits. That means being deliberate in my time devoted to these pursuits and giving my full self when working on them. 

*I want others to know I value them and their time. I can ensure this by taking the time to tell them and show them. 

*I want time to slow down. Okay, not really. There's lots I'm looking forward to, and sometimes I get so focused on looking ahead that I don't give enough attention to what's going on in the present. I want to try and be in the present as much as possible so I can soak in everything. Especially with little children, I'm going to look back some day and wonder where the time went. I want to make sure I know where the time went and what I was doing, being purposeful and present. 

(How I was keeping track of time this New Year's Eve.)

I'm sure there's more I could add, but it's about time to fix dinner (I hear the children getting unruly, and that usually means they're getting hungry). While I want to use my time to the best of my abilities, there are still practical tasks that need to be completed. But I'm going to go with this in mind: no matter how I am spending my time, it's worth it. I'm going to stop beating myself up so much concerning my use of time and try to enjoy it more. This new year, I'm going to be kinder to myself, more understanding, and more forgiving. 

I think it's about time.